Karen Sherman, Ph.D., has his own studio for over 20 years. His first book, "Marriage Magic! Discover, preserve and make it last" was originally published in 2004 with co-author Dale Klein. She is also a co-author of "101 ways to improve ourselves, Vol 2," one writer mentioned that "Yahoo Dating" is a weekly blog on ThirdAge.com and writes this column for Hitchedmag.com disputes. She is regularly interviewed by the media and is a frequent guest at national andinternational talk radio stations. Dr. Sherman conducts a series of workshops on relationships and lifestyle issues. She is a member of the faculty of the University at CW Post, and is active in many club tips. Karen lives in Long Island, New York, is married and has two daughters. In her spare time Karen enjoys reading, traveling and playing Suduko.
Tyler: Welcome, Karen. I'm glad I was a member today. To begin, we will explain what the focus of"Awareness and the Art of Choice"?
Karen: Thank you, Tyler. It 'really nice to be able to talk to you. I wrote this book to help people to realize that so often in life, their behavior is not really the result of free choice. Rather, most of the time, life is the fruit of a fantasy habits reactions that occur on the basis of experiences learned in their childhood. And what's more, even though I am with the results of their actions or the way their lives asis, most people do not even know that this is happening. It 's almost like you are working on auto-pilot. "For example, someone seems to find, but they are always in trouble with their environment. Throw all the other constantly. She never considers that maybe something they do, and that always feels like a victim.
I learned about and methods of change that I say in the book by my own way. As a result of what I tried, Icould see that so much of my life was emotionally frozen. I understand a lot of work with personal feelings and not just a lot of them and realized that there are ways to be a prisoner of its past. I started this tool in my private practice and my clients have been very strong positive reactions. So I was more motivated, the knowledge that I gained a wider audience not just the ones I've seen in my practice to share.
Tyler:Karen, as it depends on life expectancy or Outlook? For example, the person who thinks she is a victim who is not only something you can do for people like them, but they expected, they have drawn and programmed to react this way?
Karen Tyler, I think you have hit on a really important point. There is no absolute reality in life is your own reality in his own perceptions and expectations. And so, yes, if the hypothetical"You" that you and I are expected to relate, as a victim, will such an act and how a victim will be treated in other treatment. Returning to the premise in my book, the first experiences that one has to create a lot of filter system, as we see the world, which then sets up their expectations, perceptions and behaviors.
Tyler: Karen, because it pertains to election as art?
Karen: I see more an art than a science choice. Science is an accurate,strictly specific. For me, the concept is the choice that every person has any number of ways and all kinds of possibilities. Thus, for each person's way of honor, I felt it was more appropriate in view of 'art that is more abstract, creative, to think fluently and flexibly.
Tyler: Would you give an example of how opportunities are there? People often want the answer to a problem, but say there may be many answers?
Karen: Right! It is notnecessarily a correct answer for each situation. If you react in an ice cream, usually, but you can not even consider other options. As you move from this rigid position, all sorts of choices are available. Also, if you do not like the choice, but as a "beat", you can learn from it and get more opportunities in the future. The opportunities are there. We must be open to them.
Tyler: Karen, what madeIt was decided to specialize in relationships?
Karen: I have a great experience in this field. For starters, I have done a job on the reports for a very long time - since I'm 8 years to be exact! I think these early experiences encouraged the passion of wanting to help couples through their struggles, so that would be good, and the children feel safe, nurtured and safe in the family. I have been following degree programs in the field, certification in marriage and family are at work, andMake sure I keep what's happening in the region through the current search. All the different types of work that I maintain a focus on helping people with their relationships.
Tyler: What benefits you personally get from helping people with their relationships? Did you ever learn from your customers?
Karen: I do take great personal satisfaction when I know I have helped someone in person or in his relationships. I feel like IThere is something for humanity. And yes, there are many times I have the feeling I get from customers. I would never claim to know everything. I see life as a journey, and perhaps the way that my customers look at something or how they come to understand something, is not only useful for me, but it allows me to help others. Also, when I see a tool that do not operate as effectively as I would like to improve, I do. This also allows me to use in a better way with others.
Tyler: Your bookteach using examples from their lives to care. Would you give us an example to illustrate what is meant by attention?
Karen: Sure. several clients have told me that control them with anger issues who have had work exhibited a "short fuse". After talking about what was outside, who are not aware of the signals they receive, so they know that they were on top were excited. These signals could, that her breasts were more andpalpitations or feel tight. Ignoring these physical signs, the anger was building up to a point where it reaches out of control and exploded. With these customers to remind them of their physical signals used to learn that they could step in and do something constructive before it exploded. This virtually eliminates the unwanted behavior of the previous reaction.
Tyler: What would be an example for something constructive they could do instead? Couldan example of a specific situation where someone could get excited and then, as the person best the situation in a constructive way?
Karen: One of the design tools in which a person realizes that too angry to take a long, slow breath through your nose. Bring your breath until the throat and chest area below the rib cage. Press and hold for a count of four and then very slowly through your lips slightly open. This means starting to use theThe parasympathetic part of the body relaxes. They may not be in a state of relaxation and fun at the same time. Once the person is calm, you can listen more carefully to what is being said and respond accordingly.
Tyler: Karen, what exactly is the role of storage in our relationship? After failed relationships, we can never really a good and a good relationship in the report, without the old way?
Karen: Absolutely! Veryoften when the wounds of the past, you are someone who is in a sub-awareness level, reminds you of someone from your past (usually from your family of origin) so that will be taken to address the issue. That's why people go with the same type of person over and over again, even after it hurts and vowed that next time will be different trend. Remember, they do it in a Sub-known.
But if the person is willing to see an accident on the real anddealt with according to the exercises in my book, the brain actually able to tie up new connections, that is, not the old situation causes the same reaction. Therefore, by practicing these exercises can, over time, the wound is gone. By this I mean that although the original situation does not change the facts are the facts, there is no negative emotional energy behind it. Once the wound is healed, there is the need to play with a partner.The relationship you have or will be six different in nature and are much healthier.
Tyler: How do you always have these old patterns and luggage, and when they try to sabotage our relations today?
Karen: For me, the red flag is when someone has an immediate, intense emotional reaction to something. And if the other person tries to explain to the injured party can not simply seem to let go. The reason is a reaction so strongbecause in some hanging from the past. Yes, it's a trigger in the current situation, but the intensity of the Giveaway is knowing that there's more.
With regard to sabotage your relationship, I do not think people recognize that their behavior sabotages their relationship at the time, that their reactions. In reality, the emotions are so strong, they do not think at all. Emotions cloud clear thinking. It 's only later, when emotionscalm down (and possibly even be a couple of days) that the person may realize that their behavior has been sabotaging their relationship.
Tyler: Why do we focus on "awareness" the word "conscience" in the title?
Karen: This book is to make known, that the life you want to actually create something that they choose to. The concept of consciousness is simply the result of hearing or feeling. More importantly, it is not necessaryAction. On the other hand, the awareness is not passive, but requires action by the mind. It is necessary to make an effort to bring attention to what's going to pay for itself in the present moment. Thus, the term awareness is fully consistent with the resolution process of the past and habitual patterns of choice for the life you deserve and live.
Tyler: Karen, is provided with exercises in the book to help us, our relationships. Give us an example of effectiveExercise?
Karen: I'm trying to offer different aspects of relations with the best in the book. The reports are very important to improve their lives. Unfortunately, too often I see clients that the only way they can have a good sense of who they are to have a relationship to feel. So if you are involved with someone, are as high as a kite, but if things do not go well or end the relationship, will feel themselves, as not worthnothing, and go into a emotional breakdown. This is because they have given their emotional power, the other person. It 's a bit like the flow of the fantasy film, Jerry McGuire, where a character says to another ". You complete me" Unwittingly, this is a declaration of dependence unconscious.
The best are those in which relations are to improve the whole two separate people. It 'really hard, in a healthy relationship if you do not feel good about yourself.Are you looking for the other person to give a good feeling and this is a great responsibility and unfair to anyone. Of course, this is more likely that if you are still a lot of "baggage" of your past.
To have a successful love story, the first thing that you have a good solid relationship with yourself One of the ways to do this is to accept that everyone has some parts that are wonderful and some parts that are not are . You must be able to love everyoneYou try, and not the parts that are less than wonderful to get rid of. These are the parts that need more love. All parts are worthy of love and love can give you are worth.
Therefore, I propose that all your various parts, including the stubborn side view, part lazy, the stupid party, etc. Many times, you can see different aspects of yourself that, even in different age groups. They all stand on a stage. Now, it appears as an adult, who loves unconditionally, and go to each of thethem, they begin to express your love and acceptance of this part. Actually imagine imagine the possession of each individual and the expression of your love and you feel the love from adults.
Of course this takes time does not happen after just one attempt. It requires repeated practice, just like any other skill learning. This is a quick example, is explained in detail in the book. And like I said, there are other exercises and help with relationship problems.
Tyler: Karen, what you doDescription sounds like co-dependency or addiction love. Many other books have been written on these topics. What do you think makes "Mindfulness and the Art of Choice" from those other books?
Karen: I know that many of these books and they are all good conceptually. "Awareness and the Art of Choice", offers readers the opportunity to really change anything. Again have a permanent, effective change, the wound on the physical plane to be treated, not onlythrough an intellectual understanding. The tools in my book, the reader the emotions, the new connections mostly through views.
Tyler: Karen, what do "Mindfulness and the Art of Choice" in reference to your previous book "Marriage Magic" what was the difference that he wanted to express?
Karen: This book is written more for the individual and focuses on healing the negative news of the past that keep you. It teaches you to be aware ofMessages and how to describe so that more positive choices and positive outcomes in your life. "Marriage Magic," though in part motivated by personal experience, has been driven by my knowledge that many of my clients were married even though they were unhappy. The book is designed to help them rekindle their relationship again, instead of a divorce yet.
I'm writing a piece of follow-up of "Mindfulness and The Art of Choice", which plays more directly in planningCouple.
My hope for both books is that people know that their lives can be better. We all deserve this, and in this law.
Tyler: An element of "Mindfulness and the Art of Choice", the personal stories in it as examples. Want to share one of these stories with us and what you learned from it and why you think your book could also be useful to others?
Karen: For me, of all types of abuse I suffered was the worstabandonment. My mother worked in his own business at a time in history when mothers do not. On several occasions, my parents call and say they would go home for dinner, I have to wait until they bring the pizza home. Of course, as a child I was so excited. It would get late and not going to make it home at the time, they said. No call, no, no explanations. Just a girl who ends up falling asleep without dinner disappointed, but more importantly, not seeing with myParents. When I became a mother, I never missed an event, or late for one of my girls.
So, yes, Tyler, personal stories are very enlightening. The reason why I chose to expose so that people had to know that even if you have had terrible childhoods, there is another way.
Tyler: Karen, you are also a successful teacher and the concept of the lab. Can you tell us something about what you are trying to convey to people through teaching?
Karen: Thanks for the question IQuestion, because the same things that I bring to my teaching, my workshops and my practice is the message I wanted to get out of this book. The main message is that no matter what their experiences have been in the past, how you live your life is a choice. I truly believe that every person is responsible not only for what it is or it is, but also its power. Sure, I know it's too difficult, was my childhood to be sure. So I was willing to share waspersonal information to so many others know that change can be made. So I want to send a message of hope and strength and let others know how important it is that they honor themselves.
Tyler: Thanks for joining me today, Karen. Before you go, you will know about your site and what additional information, not on "Mindfulness and the Art of Choice" to find?
Karen: I have two websites: http://www.ChoiceRelationships.com andhttp://www.drkarensherman.com. People can just free stuff: a short e-mail program, "Top 5 Tips for a great relationship" is a program for 3 weeks that your relationship in order based on the principle of action = reaction, an article may "change" as Shop for a therapist, "and people subscribe to my free monthly newsletter that offers valuable advice on current relationships and lifestyle issues.
At each location there is a main page, where I have other offersInstruments through books, CD or MP3. And I'm always adding more products.
Tyler: Thank you, Karen. I hope you have a great success in helping people to be aware of their choices. Keep up the good work.
Karen: Thanks for the opportunity to speak with you. I hope that people read "Consciousness and the Art of Choice" and get the tools to live a life of dignity!
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